Empathy and Compassion
- Nigel Wellings
- Nov 8
- 4 min read
Last night I learnt from our sangha that there was established scientific research into the difference between empathy and compassion and that at least one Buddhist group had picked this up and was talking about it. This followed on the heels of my writing about what to do when we become overwhelmed by the horrors and cruelty of this world and how this is remedied by balancing compassion with wisdom - the Buddhist solution. Looking at this material I learnt that empathy is an innate response that we have from birth and it is this that enables the mutual emotional tuning in between a baby and her or his caregiver. And of course, later this ability continues to grow and facilitates social cohesion within our group - a cohesion that can be extended ever outward so we feel the suffering of others everywhere. However, there is a problem with this. Some people, particularly those in the ‘caring professions’ may become swamped by the amount of suffering they are exposed to and I would add there is a similar danger for those of us who habitually watch the news which by its very nature always seeks the worst and most extreme. One way of dealing with this issue of overwhelm and the distress it causes, several papers suggested, was to cultivate compassion. Here compassion is understood as a stepping back from the empathetic tuning in to what the other person is feeling and moving towards the purposeful desire that they should be free of their pain. If I understood this properly, best case is that our empathy initiates compassionate action and we do something that may help. However, I was also left with the impression that empathy was slightly seen as a liability that left us open to being distressed and that by converting it into compassion this vulnerability could be defended against. That rather than empathy being a good thing that opened into compassion, that they were almost in opposition or alternatives.
Perhaps I have this wrong but it’s worth having a look at this in more detail. First the overwhelm. Why do those of us who are most confronted with suffering have a propensity to burn out? It could simply be the amount witnessed but it may also be that we have a child part ‘within’ us that very early learnt that for their survival it was essential they emotionally monitor and manage their caregiver whom they perceived as absent or inadequate in some way. However, it is inappropriate that a child should have this grotesquely enormous task and inevitable that they will fail and that this failure will then lead to pervasive feelings of panic and shame when they can not make everything better. However the pain that empathy opens us too is not necessarily bad. During my professional life and also within my own experience I have witnessed periods of time when the heart seems to break open and seeing others pain is almost unbearable. Sitting watching the news tears pour out. However I believe this is good thing. Though excruciatingly painful it also feels healthy and real, we are not only deeply in touch with everyone else but also with something that is deep and essential within ourselves. We could say that we have touched into our buddha-nature and the infinite well of empathy and compassion that is one of its qualities. Seen this way, the propensity of empathy to lead to feelings of overwhelm is a necessity because it breaks open the confines of a defended separate self, allowing in the truly alarming spaciousness of our awakened nature.
And wisdom? Wisdom in Buddhism is always about seeing things as they really are and so includes seeing ourselves more clearly and beginning to place to one side the distorted motivations that come from personal hurts like that described above. If from my hurt place I cannot bear to see another’s pain how will I ever be able to be fierce in my compassion when the compassionate act is to say no or set a boundary? Wisdom begins to take the wounds out of empathy and gives it agency. Wisdom is also the gateway to compassion. When feeling empathetically someones hurt we might also step back a little and wonder what we might do to help them. Buddhism’s answer to this is found in its teachings on giving. We can give material things like food, medicine and clothing. We can give safety of shelter. And we can give the teachings of the Dharma itself. I would add we can also give a smile, a joke, a wink and perhaps a glass of red.
Finally a story: Avalokiteshvara, the Buddhist embodiment of compassion, perfectly represents the relationship between empathy, compassion and wisdom. Finding the suffering of others unbearable he is broken into many pieces. Amitabha, the wise Buddha of light, seeing this takes the pieces and reconstructs Avalokiteshvara so that he has eleven heads that see in all dimensions and a thousand hands, each with an eye in its palm, that see the suffering of numberless beings and reach out to help them. His empathy, which necessarily broke his heart is transformed through wisdom into compassionate skilful means.
N.W. and P.V. with thanks to all our sangha who helped us understand this more deeply.
8 November 2025
Links on empathy and compassion:
Lots of thoughts and questions about this!
I think of empathy as something intrinsic to us as humans, but that our capacity to feel it can be reduced by current or historical emotional distress. And I've thought of compassion as being like empathy but with action in some way.
This weekend I've had two times of being with friends in distress, and I've been noticing what's happening in me as I listen. I love them both, and empathy was there for sure. I noticed that with one friend, my own experience of being widowed helped, something about knowing I lived through it and that she is feeling the pain and will live through it. It was much more distressing being…
I wanted to add to my initial comment...
Often there may be no action we can take in a situation but to "be with" either our own or someone else's suffering. I know that to be able to "be with" is extraordinarily powerful and transformative.
And then for me the practice is to just try my best in any situation and really let go of any attachment to outcomes.
From my perspective of seeing and at times over my life experiencing "empathy" burnout,I felt this shift in perspective incredibly helpful and has real practical applications. Also the relief in being able to really know that there's no shame or personal failing in experiencing "empathy" burnout, is such a gift. My noticing from this perspective,empathy often feels like it's quite heavy and depleting emotionally,whereas when I feel compassion,it arises spontaneously and there is a warm hearted connected feeling. A recent quote from Richard Davidson..." Compassion is a quality that prepares us to act" .... I am reminded that Green Tara displays this also with her one foot forward ready to be of assistance. 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you all for the conversation last week, it got me reflecting on empathy and compassion.
From what I understand, the Dalai Lama teaches that empathy is a necessary first step that leads to compassion; something that makes felt sense to me.
Empathy, as I understand it, is the ability to share and understand the feelings of another; and encompasses the full range of emotions, pain, sadness, joy excitement etc. It is seen as having two aspects, emotional and cognitive. It’s the resonant stuff of relating – feeling, resonating and responding.
I was left curious that empathy was being, as you put it Nigel, ‘slightly seen as a liability’ to be protected against, rather than as a…
I always understood empathy as the ability to feel and understand other people’s emotions and compassion as a desire to do or help others. So, compassion requires empathy. Also, in my view, empathy does not necessarily imply love, compassion does.