Philippa was talking to me about generosity, the problem of practicing it in such a way that it’s really generous and not something else altogether more shadowy. And it’s not just generosity. Buddhism is full of lists laying out the best way to treat ourselves and others. In Present with Suffering I talk about the most basic list as ‘Five Good Things’. It consists of being mindful about killing, stealing, hurtful speaking, harmful sexuality and intoxicating ourselves. And in Mahayana Buddhism more specifically, there are the ‘Six Perfections’ that invite us to cultivate generosity, ethics, patience, vigour, meditative concentration and finally, wisdom.
While this is all undoubtedly for the good, the problem is that any and all of these more enlightened ways of being may be colonised by much less enlightened motivations that mean we are doing the right thing but from the 'wrong' place within us. An obvious example with generosity is that we are simply making ourselves feel good about ourselves and not actually being generous at all. However, a closer investigation may reveal that we have within us all sorts of belief systems that we have received through our families and society at large that are the hidden driving forces behind these apparently wholesome acts. For example I must be a nice, kind person if I am to be loved, that I need to appear magnanimous if I am to remain in charge or that I must keep a sharp check on my hidden desire to do the opposite of all these good things because should I loose it who knows what will happen? (Hint: something terrible).
Here of course we come into the realm of the two arrows. The reality is that not one of us has unconflicted motivations. The human heart is complex and often dark and we are easily split between what we would like to do and what we are actually capable of. All this is the domain of the first arrow - we really have no choice about it. However, the second arrow, how we react to what we find within ourselves, is where some choice may be available.
When it comes to making choices, becoming more conscious of our motivations, the first step is simple acknowledgement. What I observe is what I observe, however murky it is what it is and making myself a bad or evil person will not help in anyway whatsoever. So first step: kindness. Next, remain with the felt-sense of what we have found. In my experience the more mean side of my personality is accompanied by feelings of closure, contraction, tightness and wanting to get away, withdraw. You may observe something different. These body based emotions may become the objects of mindfulness: sat with in a spacious and kind way, not thinking about them nor trying to get rid of them, on their own accord, in the light of simple awareness, they will fade and melt away. We need do nothing except remain present
And then what? Well, we should not expect ourselves to then be perfect and have perfect motivation. This method of being with ourselves is not about being perfect beings but rather about being more aware ordinary people. Sometimes resting with the felt-sense opens into further layers of emotion and in this way a process of exploration may unfold. Seeing more deeply into what governs us. However, whether or not the maze of motivation opens before us, finally what is important is awareness itself. All of this is always in the process of change and finally, at the deepest level is awareness itself. So as an ordinary person, with a complex psyche and perhaps with a sense of humour about ourselves, we just do our best. Guided by the Five Good Things or the Six Perfections we are happy not to be perfect.
So the key points:
Recognise mixed feelings.
Stay present with them as a felt sense - no cruel self-judgements.
Then do the wholesome or skilful action anyway.
NW. 15 July 2023
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