I Give In

Yesterday evening our Sangha joined others from all over the world in a practice of Loving Kindness lead by the Theravada Monks who have now completed their 108 day walk for peace across America. Just the thought of so much goodness at this time of fear and confusion makes my heart open. It was also very well timed since we have spent the last few weeks focusing on this practice and this leads me to speculate what a non-dual version of it might look like - but it is only a speculation as I don’t think I have ever received a teaching specifically on this. So here goes.

The usual practice is naturally dualistic. I wish for others, who are visualised as separate from me, that they know happiness and be free of suffering. However, from within the perspective of the non-dual awakened mind, from within intrinsic awareness, rigpa, all of this - me, others, good wishes, and for that matter any other thoughts and emotions that may also arise - are known as nothing other than the expressions of awareness. Nothing is separate, it’s all one thing. And we have already set the scene for this utterly radical insight. When we were looking at the nature of compassion we found that the relative compassion we cultivate within ourselves through the practices of a bodhisattva is ultimately derive from the absolute compassion that is one of the qualities of our awakened nature. Here, I think I used the image of scratching away at a dam until finally the unimaginable infinitude of compassion that is our buddha-nature is released and pours out - except this is not quite right because being infinite it is actually already here and need only be discovered.

Attempting to put this into practice last night I was immediately struck by the contradiction between a practice that is full of intentionality and one that is all about dropping intentions and just resting. The dualistic and non-dual approaches. I realised that if I am to ‘practice’ loving kindness from ‘within’ intrinsic awareness then it can no longer be about the whole thing of visualising myself and different sets of others but rather becomes the much simpler - and more difficult - thing of just resting in awareness itself because this by its very nature, along with being empty and luminously clear, is also innately compassionate. It is ultimate compassion and so to recognise and rest in it is the practice of non-dual loving kindness - even if it is only for a fleeting few moments. Or at least, that’s how I’m understanding it this morning.

Now, change of subject to one more bodhisattva practice - Giving the Victory. This is a real challenge as it directly contradicts our primitive need to protect ourselves by in some way ‘winning’. So when we find ourselves wanting to have the last word, be right, have ourselves heard as we would wish, we let it go and let the other person ‘have the victory’. There will be dozens of examples in each of our lives of this but the felt sense will be the same. Noticing contraction and letting go. This is not the cultivation of masochism, being a passive doormat, but rather recognising how we solidify our sense of self when feeling under attack and simultaneously wanting to give a kindness to someone else. So both we and the others come away with something good - a diminishment of conflict. This it admittedly a very difficult practice, my need to seen in a certain way, to not have my actions misinterpreted or misconstrued is very powerful and it feels like a real assault when they are. As with the previous two practices, Exchanging Self for Other and Loving Kindness, we can add an additional level of mindfulness by noticing and being present with any emotional reactions it may bring up. So the two levels of practice again. Nothing demonstrates how profoundly we cling to our sense of self then when this self is threatened so this seemingly simple practice has big consequences and can be frequently employed in a samsaric world where conflict is common. Wish for a fight so you can use it!

NW. 12 February 2026