I'm In Bits

What it's like to ask our manager subpersonality to stand back? Recently I was thinking about my subpersonalities and how all the different parts have their wants, needs and opinions, and how that leads to all sorts of problems when they are in conflict. It’s a familiar idea within the psychotherapy world, but not one I usually associate with Buddhism.

Therapy and Buddhism – I need them both. Therapy helps me be in better relationship with all the different parts of myself and their needs, and to talk with them to understand what those needs are. Doing this I get some understanding of how they get in my way, and I can also start to see how they are part of me. There’s a lovely phrase about therapy helping us connect with all the “lost and forgotten parts of the psyche” (not sure who said that).  And so I come to know the simple humanness of the feared, forbidden or disapproved-of feelings, like rage and hatred, envy and greed. 

Buddhism/meditation teaches how to have a steady enough concentration to be able to stay with and attend to this process, which can be quite uncomfortable – I don’t really want to accept all these rather shameful parts of myself! And the training in awareness helps me to notice the shifts in attention and sensation. Beyond that, there's the invitation to explore, to be curious about where therapy doesn't go – and that speaks to the longing for something greater than myself. And of course, Buddhism offers an end to suffering. What’s not to like?! I feel the teachings accord with therapy, and go beyond it. In a way they support and serve each other.

And I’ve also been thinking about service, the urge to serve life, in whatever way that arises - in me, in my relationships and in the world. I realise the heart-longing part of me is also the one who just wants to serve. That’s an aspiration, not a goal. And immediately my critic comes along and says that’s embarrassingly showing off and naïve, who do I think I am, pretending to be a good person, etc, etc. The critic is never asleep!

Many of us recognise that one of the blocks to realisation is that part of us that just wants to keep us safe, and I resonate with this. When I try to identify why “awakening” should raise fear in me, it becomes clear that I associate it with something like, “letting-go-of-all-defences-and-sense-of-self-and-leap-into-the-scary-unknown”. A scenario that seems to be lurking around the edges threateningly whenever I think of awakening to my true nature. I suspect it’s going to take a lot of reassurance that my (and everyone’s) true nature is truly loving, clear, compassionate and kind before I give into that. But maybe the word “surrender” is better here - it's softer and more inviting - and it helps those parts of me who feel they have to keep me safe to sit back a bit. Well  - occasionally!

With thanks to Jenny Joyce author of this blog. 16 July 2025

Sign Up for More Blogs