Much to Learn About Nothing

I can remember the first time I read about looking into my mind for the source of who was looking. I thought that's mad, there's nothing there. The whole thing feels like a joke but that can't be right because this is being presented as serious - as serious as you can get. What I didn't know was that when you look you have to stay looking. What I did was simply glance and immediately think about what I hadn't seen. What I hadn't done was notice that while there was nothing there this was not quite (and importantly) true. There was something, there was the awareness of that nothing. Or another way of saying it - the space was permeated with awareness.

Since that day I have learnt a great deal. I have learnt that this simple exercise demonstrates the Buddha's teaching of 'not-self', which means when we look for a self that is unchanging we cannot find one. Yes, there is a sense of 'me' that has thoughts and emotions and endlessly does things, but look for even one tiny bit that really doesn't change and you can't find it.

I've also learnt that later Buddhists found this teaching could be interpreted too nihilistically and so they took a second look. They said, "Yes, everything in the universe is definitely impermanent including consciousness. But - big but - when you practice meditation a quality of awareness becomes apparent that has a set of peculiar qualities". These are: It is not disturbed by the thoughts and emotions that arise and instantly dissolve within it. Sometimes it is entirely thought free by intensely clear. It has a wonderful feeling tone, it is deeply relaxing and at ease. Resting in it makes your face feel like it is quietly smiling. And it is spacious - first you feel that the spaciousness is inside you, inside your mind, and then it kind of shifts and the experience of 'you', (this ephemeral and transient you), is inside a plane of spacious silence that stretches without an edge or an end in all directions. It is not created by anything and feels timeless. A space that is also awareness and has awareness of itself. Not as an altered state of consciousness, somewhere we go other than here, but right here in this very moment, more simple, more natural, more ordinary than one has ever felt it before. It's like the minds completely natural state once all the clutter has been removed. Quietly shining. Awake. Our buddha-nature. And you can't 'do' anything to 'make' it happen except - nothing.

I've also learnt how to think about this and the implications of such an experience. What does this mean? What value does it have? The Buddhist answer is about other people, in fact about every living thing. Our buddha-nature is like an island in a flood, when we can find it and clamber up we can then extend a hand to others who are drowning in the unhappiness that characterises much of our time in the world. So we do it for others. I have my own phrase for this, I think of it as 'batting on the side of the angels'.

NW. 3 March 2024

P.S. The image is commonly found in Himalayan Buddhist temples. It represents everything in a place of harmonious comfort and ease.