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Nigel Wellings

What To Do With Hate


There are a lot of emotions around at the moment about the horror of the Middle East. Why wouldn’t there be, emotions tell us what things are important and valuable to us and they also tell us when we are in danger and need to do something. However, the problem is that not everyone’s emotions agree nor does just feeling something mean that it’s true. Just look at the narratives around the Middle East conflict if any more convincing is necessary.

I was talking with someone dear who I have known for many years and she was telling me just how very angry she is about what has happened to the Palestinians and how no one appears to really care. I agree with her. How can the annihilation of a large swarth of the population and the destruction of where they live ever be justified? It may have been one of the Palestinian political parties that triggered it but what has happened since has long gone from self-defence to revenge and taking an opportunity to do what some within Israel may have long wanted.

While we were talking the Dalai Lama came to mind. I’ve quoted this before. When asked whether he was angry about what the Chinese have done to Tibet, including being responsible for over a million Tibetan deaths during the last century, he said of them, “Why would I give them my mind, when they have already taken my country?”

It’s a good point. I think we have a parallel here with what is happening now. Witnessing the callus slaughter of people who have done absolutely nothing to warrant it makes me incredibly angry. So much so that I don’t know if I were in that situation I wouldn’t just pick up a brick and want to kill also. But the problem with this is that in that moment I too would have let my mind be taken over by the very thing I despise. I would have become a murderer and my mind and heart would be closed by hate. So just more of the same poison, nothing different.

I said this to my friend and she replied that Buddhism might be OK in some situations but not this one. Her anger was appropriate and trying to be all kind and compassionate over things would just be a repression that would help no one and have bad repercussions for her mental health. This made me think - is she right? After all, humans have the emotion of anger deeply wired in, it must have an important purpose within our make up. It is one of the three ways that we react when feeling under threat, or witnessing others we identify with being under threat. And does not being angry also make us want to do something? Galvanising us to act?

There is a lot of stuff here to unpack. Being angry and being kind are not in opposition. I do feel angry and one of the things this anger can fuel is the determination not to let my mind become like those who have become crazed and entirely insensitive to the pain they are causing people who are in all essential things just like them. My kindness and compassion is one of the ‘weapons’ that are needed to bring this conflict to an end. Nor is Buddhism about repressing our anger by covering it over with a layer of being ‘nice’. The Dharma is all about being present with how things really are. If I find myself angry this is the emotional reality of the moment and my real choice is am I simply going to identify with this feeling and react or am I going to recognise it and respond in a way that is both wise and compassionate. This does not mean stepping back or closing our eyes, avoiding what disturbs in a kind of Buddhist heavenly trance, but it does mean we do not pour petrol on burning petrol and that we remember that finally, if there is to be any healing, it will be wisdom and kindness that will begin building the bridges and never just more hatred and ignorance. So is the Dharma redundant in this situation? Well, I don’t think so.


NW. 5 October 2024

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Diane Chorley
Diane Chorley
Oct 08
Rated 5 out of 5 stars.

I was so pleased to read this, difficult though it is. This helps me to face head on the horrors of both what is happening in the Middle East and the horrors of human nature and my own emotions. I sent this to my husband for us to discuss as we regularly discuss the rage against the atrocities and the perpetrators of them and my desire to not pour fuel on the fire. I am also aware of the feelings of helplessness but this suggest that wisdom and compassion remain powerful tools that I hope can be used to effect at some point

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Hennie Symington
Hennie Symington
Oct 07

Thank you Nigel for bringing us to face these emotions of anger and hatred in ourselves . Particularly as there are so many terrible conflicts in the world at the moment, particularly between Isreal and Palestine and ever deepening hatred .


Watching the horrors , terror and fear that  is happening , killing so many people, particularly innocent and vulnerable children is unbearable. These wars engendering so much hatred and anger . And along with absolutely grief and despair .

I wondered if this podcast might be of interest for some . I found it very helpful when struggling with the absolute horror of the situation.


https://www.youtube.com/live/x2Z00vGRpjY?si=jjSr264i45LPG_Iu


What is Love Asking from Us? A conversation between Tara Brach & Gabor…

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Guest
Oct 07

Thank- you Nigel. I had not heard the Dalai Lama quote before – it does feel pertinent.  If I were in the situation you described, I can imagine being so enraged that I’d have the impulse to lash out big time – ‘allowing my mind to be taken over’.

 

I’m finding Ajahn Sumedho’s phrase, ‘Right now, it’s like this’ helpful. If I’m lucky, it comes to mind, giving me space to stay present with and ‘handshake’ the feelings of anger, sadness, impotence and numbness that can all arise as I see and hear what’s happening. I sense the intensity of the emotions around, especially anger, adds ‘juice’ to my determination to be present with what is, to do what I…

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janet_harrison
Oct 07

Thanks NIgel - I wonder if we can be angry and hate all the violence , distress, terror without directing our anger and hatred at the people who's actions have caused the suffering. I'm not sure I could manage this if I was suffering directly - if someone killed my family. Those who manage that are those who could maybe be the agents to move towards peace.

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Guest
Oct 06

Thanks Nigel, very thought provoking and relevant. Only recently I realised that I can not call myself a pacifist. This was a big shift in identity for me as a longterm Buddhist practitioner. I realised that if my partner were being attacked I would pick up a heavy object and hit the attacker as hard as possible ( aiming to disarm not kill). This admission would disqualify me from having the title pacifist....unconformable for me but true. Practice is a process of uncovering the truth of who we are no matter how uncomfortable that might be. The treasure of our nature is buried within the ugliness of our hatred. I find the Dharma has made me a less nice person…

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Nigel Wellings
Oct 06
Replying to

I use the notion that we are like a bus full of different people. On my bus is a driver who is more or less continuiously informed by Buddhism but on the other seats are all kinds of people including several forms of narcissists and on the back seat where the really naughty people sit is something quite close to a psychopath. Perhaps it is he who is holding the brick he is longing to use. This is all OK just as long as one the passangers doesn't run forward and grab the wheel - which of course they do.😀

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